So if you're wicked sick, here's what you make.

Don't make progresso soup.  I did and made myself eat a bowl, then I v*m*t*d.

Lemme back up a minit.

This weekend, my most recent other half and I were cavorting in Portsmouth NH, enjoying the beery goodness that is Portsmouth Beer Week.  I had some tasty, oh-so-tasty mussels at The Portsmouth Brewery as an accompaniment to my glass of Kate the Great, who exacted revenge from beyond their stomach-y grave and gave me Super A+Plus Food Poisoning, the likes of which I have not endured in years.*

*This is not to say their mussels will make you sick.  My handsome date had a plate and was fine.  However, I am now categorically swearing off eating shellfish in a restaurant.


SO.

After a day of gastrointestinal hell, I thought I might be 'kay to go back to work; alas, no.  In the meantime I figured I may as well try to eat something.  As previously stated, the soup didn't work out so well.

The Interwebs inform me that when one has food poisoning, one should eat bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.  As in fresh bananas, white rice, packaged applesauce and white toast.

My fridge has hippie food in it.  I can't remember the last time I bought white rice to keep on hand... oh wait, mebe i have some rissoto rice?  Dang... and the only thing close to bread was the moldy homemade loaf I ditched earlier and the frozen Ezekiel bread I keep on hand for those rare occasions when I want a sammige and I have to make it myself.  I haven't got applesauce, and my only bananas are in the freezer.

CRAP

I guess this conundrum can be solved.  It gets challenging when you're dehydrated and your electrolytes are low.

So here's what you need:

- a couple apples
- a paring knife, if you can find it. I think someone used it and put it on the counter without washing it.  Then I washed it and put it on the counter... without re-washing it?  or something.  There was a point in there.
- maybe a cutting board?
- a saucepan thinger
- some water
- a banana.  mine was frozen.  I'll explain some other time.

So you want to peel the apples, core them and chop the crap out of them, then put them in the pot.  Simmer for a bit.  Then, realize a banana is a good idea.  Defrost it a bit, since it's frozen, then peel it and throw it in the pan.  It should be easy to peel the banana since the defrosting does something or other.

Cook it with a lid, and throw some salt in since you're dehydrated from turning your guts into a waterslide all day yesterday.  Simmer until you decide you might be able to keep something down.

You end up with this:

That is, after you put it in a bowl with a spoon.


Mange on it!

Not sure where all that motivation came from...

As of 5 o'clock this evening I had slept pretty much all day. I'm not as sniffly as I've been feeling, but still fairly ill. I knew I needed something to nom upon.

Luckily I had squirreled away a box of Annie's shells & cheddar for just such an occasion (and I didn't have any canned chicken soup, darn).

So to start, throw half a squash in the oven. make sure you scoop the innards and put a glop of smart balance or butter or whatev in the middle. Let that bake for a bit at 350 which is my general all purpose temp for probably anything.

Get yer water boiling for the pasta. Once it boils, throw the pasta in. You should know that already and if you don't... I'm not sure if there is much hope.

Alright here is where it gets good. Once the pasta is cooked, remove it to a colander (or alternately a sculabasta if you have sicilian roots or a sicilian ex) for a bit because you need the pan.

Melt some butter or reasonable facsimile thereof in the still hot pan. You may want to turn the heat on, actually, because we are going to grate in a bit of smoked gouda, a wee bit of swiss and try to grate in some raw milk goat cheese as well (stuff gets hard as a romano if you leave it in the fridge for a bit, but still nommy).

You'll want to pour in some milk too as that all melts. Remember, heat on :-D

Then stir in the orange powder that comes with the annie's. that stuff is GOOD.

I had a bunch of spinach graciously donated from my bro's wedding, so I threw some good handfuls of that in too. Use more than you think you need because it will cook WAAAY down. It would have been good if I had sauteed some shallots and added those, but maybe next time...

Alright once the spinach has cooked a little, add the pasta back in. Stir like mad. The spinach will wilt a bunch more and the pasta will get cheese all over it. This is intentional.

Then, see if your squash is done; mine was. Throw it all in a bowl and dig in. OMG so good. There was even enough left for lunch tomorrow, though I am only one girl so ymmv

Sick Soup

Day 2 of fish failure, this time because I am coming down with something gnarly ill. The guy I work with wasn't sure if I meant the bad type of sick or the awesome type of sick. Oh, I'm always the awesome type of sick, I said. No, this is the my throat tickles and I feel a fever coming on, and need sleep stat.

This is the type of sick I don't need because I can't afford to miss work.

Ergo, no fish. Instead, chicken soup. Nothing canned in the house, nobody to send out for some soup, running too low on cash to order in. What's that in the cupboards? A squash, some onions, udon noodles, chicken broth... and a chicken breast in the freezer! My, my. Let me grab some garlic and celery too...

Saute the aromatic bits in some olive oil, then add the squash and the chicken. You want it to brown a little - this will make it tastier.

Once it browns, throw in some broth. Let your pot of comfort simmer on low heat for half an hour or so. Once the squash is squishy and the chicken is cooked through, add the udon noodles and cook until they are just bendy.

Throw it in a bowl and eat it.

I have cider mulling too, this smells goood but OH! I feel eww.

Drat

I've fumbled in my mission to bring you various fish and it's only day 2.

I promise I had a perfectly good reason. My bestie's husband is on his way to London so she had the ladies (B and I) over for not-so-scary-after-all movies (Session 9, shot in Danvers MA - hmm not a cinematic masterpiece) and tasty foods from Trader Joe's.

The Menu:

Maccarones *I am probably spelling that wrong. They were good but sweet.

Whoopie Pies *entirely my fault

Baguette with goat cheese (now you're talking!)

Spinach phyllo feta ... thing. Tasty!

Various Red and White, courtesy of Charles Shaw

There was going to be a pear torte but we kinda forgot about that. We were in terrible suspense to find out how the terrible movie ended. (No spoilers, sorry)

Your regularly scheduled fish will resume tomorrow.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

As an unintended side-effect of my brother getting married, I have 10 pounds of fish in my freezer, minus the fillet I had for dinner. It's a very mild white asian catfish of some sort... He told me the name but I've forgotten.

At the reception it was grilled and paired with wedges of acorn squash (YUM!). I did something similar tonight by drizzling the fillet with olive oil, seasoning with salt and pepper, and broiling. I had it with leftover carnival squash that's been in my fridge, waiting to be nommed, and some green beans (also courtesy of the nuptials).

The fact remains, I have about 10 pounds of fish that I need some inspiration for. There are only so many meals of fish tacos, broiled fish and fish nuggets that one girl can endure. Suggest something!

Beef and Beef Stew!

I just got back from my brother's Wedding Weekend Extravaganza. He's a chef, so of course the food was tasty. Best memory of the weekend was him seasoning, no lie, what looked like a quarter of a cow the night before the wedding to throw it in the big commercial oven overnight at 200 "Low and Slow!"

I had another encounter with beef earlier this week - Beef Stew of Awesome.

Get a package of stew chuck, about as much as you think will make a decent stew for you. Size and servings may vary. I also got a package of beef shanks (mmm beef marrow) to add to it.

Throw your stewpot on the stove and heat it up. Add some oil and herbs to get the fragrant goodness going (Sage, Thyme, ... uh Rosemary, not sure what else I used.) Add Shallots for extra awesome, and an onion or two won't hurt. (*warning, eyes may sting like mad).

Stir that around a bit with a wooden spoon. Once it looks good, put the meat in the pot to sear it. I always have trouble with this and end up cooking it the entire way through whilst searing. Feh.

Now that the meat is seared, pour a bottle of Shipyard Pumpkinhead into the pot. That might not cover everything though, so add some apple cider. Put everything on a slow low simmer, and WAIT. You can't rush tastiness like this. Gotta let that connective tissue relax into deliciousness.

Wait some more. Stir when it looks like it needs it. Resist the urge to bean your roommate with the spoon when he decides it needs stirring.

Alright. You have waited three hours or so, and things are looking good. What you want to do now is chop up some potatoes (I used Yukon Gold but I'm not a huge fan of how it turned out. I'll try creamer potatoes next time - more expensive but probably the texture I want) and some carrots, unless you're lazy like me and have the "baby carrots" on hand (which are NOT baby carrots, just broken ends that get tumbled into baby-ness. Sorry to ruin your illusions.)

Into the pot they go! And if you have anything else on hand that looks like it belongs in stew (frozen mixed vegetables that have stayed with you through 2 moves, for example), add those as well. If the level of liquid is looking low (this all needs to be simmered together), add some more cider and some chicken broth. Trust me on this.

Keep it cooking - low and slow - until the veggies are tender. If the potatoes are done but the carrots are still a bit crisp, don't worry - it'll be tasty.

I was too lazy to actually bake bread so I served these with some freezer rolls from Whole Paycheck, but there was some insanely good bread at the wedding, and I'll try to steal the recipe for it.

Chicken instead of bananananananan bread

Ever see the Swedish Chef where he makes banana split?

No?

Go YouTube it then come back. I just love the way he says "bananananana"

OK so I wanted to make some banananana bread but the darn tricky thing is they only stay *perfect* momentarily. It's almost ephemeral, how fleeting banananana perfection is. So instead they went into the disposal. I'll spare you the details.

So instead... I've stumbled on the best, BEST freaking chicken EVER.

Or, I've perfected Boneless Skinless Buffalo Chicken.

Get ye some chicken. Mine is from whole foods and comes in nifty plastic packages that I can just toss into the freezer and forget that I have, then never defrost them and have to resort to a bowl of cheerios, some easily defrosted (but typically gnasty) cod, or the like. But as I have monies again, I bought some nommiful chicken and prepared to make it more nommiful thusly:

- Rinse the chicken. It's just weird if you don't.

- Get a cutting board, your nice sharp rosewood handled Forschner chef's knife (http://www.amazon.com/RH-Forschner-Rosewood-Chefs-Knife/dp/B000MDB4LO) and a bowl. Glass is preferred. No not that kind.

- Alright, throw some vinegar in the bowl and chop the nasty bits off the chicken, then cube it approximately.

- throw the chicken bits into yon vinegar.

Upon the vinegarish chicken sprinkle ye some olive oil, sea salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, onion powder, cumin, and try to remember not to unscrew the paprika cap because you don't need the whole bottle in there. Trust me.

This is the important bit!

Drizzle about 2 tablespoons of honey into everything.

Did you pay attention? That's going to be important when you EAT this.

Alright mix everything up really good, then throw the bits onto the broiling pan. Shove it in the oven, and broil, turning when it looks like it's time to.

While that broils, you will need to make some sauce! You need butter, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Throw it in a smallish saucepan and melt it up. Add apple cider vinegar (just a wee bit unless you had a paprika malfunction) and Frank's Red Hot. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTE! It has to be Frank's and it has to be the regular Red Hot. K?

Cook it up, boil it down a bit, then when the chicken looks doneish, toss it in your deeelicious sauce.

Eat it with veggies, because you probably don't eat enough veggies, unless you're me. Or vegetarian. Bleu cheese optional, though my fridge seems to be void of any atm so I made do.

As an extra bonus round, when the food is done, you can wrap up two yams each in their own nice aluminum foil coat and throw them into a 350 degree oven for baking. They'll be tasty in an hour or so, but you won't be hungry then, so you can put them in the fridge and eat them tomorrow when you're too lazy and worn out from your run to cook anything. YEAH!